 - Last login: 3 days agoJeraDarklighter
- Jera is a 29 year old married woman from Vancouver, Washington, USA.
- Likes 7,874 pages, 124 videos, 42 photos • 897 fans • Received 96 reviews
- Member since Dec 21, 2004
"I am so amazingly cool you could store a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis." -- Zaphod Beeblebrox from Douglas Adams' Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Favorites » Her Blog
-
-
Because I'm a total caffeine junkie, I like buying my energy drinks in bulk... and as cheaply as possible. (Yes, I know energy drinks are bad for you... and I find myself delightfully apathetic.) This typically means I make a regular trip to Big Lots to scope out their selection.
Anyone who shops at Big Lots can tell you it's something of a gamble. Sometimes they have recognizable brands... but usually, not so much... and there's no guarantee that what they had last week will be there this week. After all, their merchandise often is comprised of stuff that sold poorly at "normal" retail stores. The goal is to sift through the rejected goods and hope you find something tasty that other people overlooked. I, for one, like the adventure... and at 60 cents per 24-oz energy drink (compared to $1.30-$2.50 elsewhere), I figure I can afford the risk of not liking it.
On my last trip, I ended up with several cans of a brand called Freek: Evil Energy. (Caffeine served up with a side of evil - how could I resist?) It has a weird looking skull on the front and frankly, I was sort of afraid to try it. But apparently, evil tastes like orange soda -- this flavor, Psycho, is pretty much a Full Throttle copycat. Success!
This morning, however, I was reading the back of the can... and I was like "WTF? What were these people on when they wrote this?" It's almost like Engrish yet not quite bad enough, full of really bad sexual innuendo, and well.. I don't know. Maybe they were trying to target rebellious young fetishists who enjoy texting each other incessantly, but decided to save money by outsourcing their copywriting to India. (I worked for an internet firm that tried that once. disaster!) It's not hard to see why this brand isn't commonly found in the supermarket. But, without further ado, I present the text on my Freek Psycho can, rendered in every perfect detail of caps overuse, weird spelling and odd punctuation choice.
"Move your psychie to the ULTIMATE! What an experience? What FREEKiness have you FREEKed out on? What kinda FREEK R U? Boob FREEK, Grub FREEK, Sleep FREEK, Hairy Pit FREEK, Love FREEK, Foot FREEK? FREEK is 'OBSESSION'... YOURS!
How do you fly your FREEK flag? How? That's WILD! Well grab your FREEK, hold tight and... Get Your FREEK On!
You now R a... FREEK-FREEK!"
The joy. I am a FREEK-FREEK. I hope this is better than being a Hairy Pit FREEK. Whatever that is (and I have my suspicions), it doesn't sound very nice.
I checked out the official FREEK website, which is, predictably, freek.com and discovered that they have many freek-y flavors, including a grape one called Skitzo. I don't think my schizophrenic friend would be amused. He hates grapes. (In all seriousness, I don't think naming a drink after schizophrenia is very cool.)
These people scare me. I guess this is what I get for drinking something labeled "Evil Energy."
|
Add her as a friend >
